Shenny Shorts
by Marathon Zack 140.6
Summary: Collection of short Shenny stories that I didn't think I could flesh out into full stories. Some AU, some could easily take place in the show. All SHENNY, some romantic, some just friendship (but could easily be the beginnings of a romantic relationship). All happy endings (and beginnings and middles; I don't like angst). Added to as I come up with new ideas.
1. Sheldon's Wife

**A/N: These are a collection of short Shenny stories that I didn't think I could flesh out into full stories. Inspired by Risknight's "A Whole Lot Of Woo" and "The Ramblings of a Warped Mind". Some AU, some could easily take place in the show. All SHENNY, some romantic, some just friendship (but could easily be the beginnings of a romantic relationship). All happy endings (and beginnings and middles; I don't really like angst).**

* * *

Leonard walked up the stairs towards the apartment he shared with Sheldon Cooper, Ph.D. His neurotic neighbor was in the apartment waiting on him to return with supper, so he wasn't in any particular hurry. As he reached the fourth floor landing, he looked across the hall and noticed a beautiful blonde standing in the middle of the apartment across the hall, surrounded by boxes. Young, attractive, and looking lost; the perfect girl to get into his bed.

Leonard walked over, and lightly tapped on the doorframe. When she looked up, he said, "Hi. My names Leonard, I live across the hall."

"Hi. Penny. I just moved in."

"So, um, I was just returning with supper. Perhaps you'd like to come over, I've got plenty. You can meet my roommate, as well," Leonard said, with a gesture towards the door of 4A.

"Sure, I'd love to," replied Penny with a bright smile.

Leonard opened the door to 4A and walked in, with Penny right behind him. Looking back at Penny, and gesturing towards his roommate, who was sitting on the couch, he said, "Penny, this is my roommate Sheldon." Briefly glancing at Sheldon, he continued, "Sheldon, this is our new neighbor, Penny." Turning back to Penny he said, "Sorry, I didn't get your last name."

"Cooper."

Leonard turned back to Sheldon, and looked at him confused. How could his roommate know her last name? Had he already met her? That couldn't be, Sheldon had been in the apartment all day, and he never went outside if he could help it.

"Her last name is Cooper," Sheldon repeated from the couch. "Penelope. Queen. Cooper."

Leonard looked back and forth between their new neighbor and his roommate, who almost appeared to be glaring at each other. After a few unnerving seconds, Leonard cleared his throat.

"Um, so, Penny, how about some food?" he asked, trying to break the awkwardness, and drag Penny's attention away from his roommate.

After a second longer, she reassumed her cheery disposition and said, "Food sounds good," before moving to sit down in the spot next to Sheldon and reaching for the food bag.

Sheldon watched her warily out of the corner of his eye as she handed out the food.

The slight tension remained throughout supper, but given Sheldon's neurosis, Leonard was just glad there was nothing worse than some slight tension between them. He chalked it up to the ultimate neat freak colliding with the happy go lucky extrovert that their new neighbor clearly was.

After they finished eating, Penny thanked Leonard for inviting her over to eat, but said she had to get back to unpacking. As she got ready to leave to return to her apartment, she leaned over and gave Sheldon a light peck on his lips, before standing up and walking to the door of 4A. With her hand on the doorknob, she turned back and looked at Sheldon, saying sternly, "Don't come clean my apartment in the middle of the night," before walking out and shutting the door behind her.

Leonard stared at Sheldon. "Want to catch me up?"

After a few more seconds of staring at the door, Sheldon turned to face Leonard. "No. I'd really rather not." He then stood up and walked back to his bedroom, closing the door behind him, leaving Leonard sitting in the living room in shock.

Leonard didn't see Sheldon again for the rest of the evening.

* * *

Much later that night, after Leonard had gone to bed, Sheldon snuck out of the apartment, and softly tapped on Penny's door.

knock knock knock "penny"  
knock knock knock "penny"  
knock knock knock "penny"

A few moments later, the door opened and Penny stood aside so he could come in. Once he was in the room, she shut the door behind her, and turned to face Sheldon, who was looking around the messy room with a slight look of horror on his face.

When he started twitching slightly she said, "No, you can't unpack everything and clean my apartment. Sit down, you can find your spot later."

After he grudgingly sat down on her teal couch, she moved and sat down in the other spot. Before he could speak, she said, "No, I didn't know you lived across the hall when I got this apartment, so no, this isn't intentional."

Sheldon just nodded his head, as they looked at each other in silence for a few moments. "What are we going to do about us?" he finally asked quietly.

"Still like me?" she asked playfully, snuggling up next to him and batting her eyelashes at him.

Sheldon leaned down and captured her lips briefly, before pulling back and replying, "Of course."

Penny sat back from him, and turned to face him fully, pulling her legs up under her. "Then we make this work. I think it's best we not tell anyone, we don't want anyone asking questions about why we aren't together, but as long as we're careful about it, we should be able to sneak around them."

Sheldon nodded his head, and replied, "We probably won't be able to get much in, what with Leonard trying to get you to sleep with him and not wanting you to ever be alone with me; which I still don't get since I've never once tried to steal any girl he's had his eye on and he thinks I'm asexual, but he's jealous like that. But what we can sneak in has to be better than the past four years of never seeing you."

Penny smiled in agreement, before capturing his lips once more.

* * *

Several weeks later, Leonard woke up in the middle of the night. He had been sleeping poorly lately, and it was all Sheldon's fault. Ever since that beautiful blonde had moved in across the hall, Sheldon had been sabotaging her time. He had repeatedly tried to get his roommate out of the way, and had even told him and the others that he'd seen her first, so he had dibs on her, but he'd yet to be able to get her alone. She only ever came over when Sheldon was there, and she'd even taken to some of his odd quirks, like Laundry Night. Every Saturday night at 8:15, they would both open their apartment doors, and head down to the laundry room in the basement. The few times he had managed to get rid of Sheldon and asked her to come over, or join him for a movie, she had always come up with some excuse.

As he walked back from the bathroom, contemplating new strategies to try to get her to sleep with him, he noticed that Sheldon's door wasn't entirely shut. Which was really odd, since he could have sworn it was completely closed when he'd gone to bed. He lightly pushed it open a tiny bit, and upon seeing Sheldon asleep in his typical vampire pose, he made to close the door. He had pulled the door closed, but had yet to release the doorknob when it struck him.

It was impossible. It had to be a trick of the light. There was no way.

He carefully eased the door back open, and stuck his head through the crack. He certainly hadn't imagined it. There was definitely another shape in Sheldon's bed. And if he didn't know better, it appeared to be a female shape with its arm across Sheldon's stomach, and its head on his chest.

As Leonard tried to lean forward to get a better look, he shuffled and his toe hit the doorframe. His head jerked down, and with a muffled curse he stumbled slightly, and tried to catch himself against the wall; accidentally hitting the light switch in Sheldon's room. His head jerked back up, and he saw two very angry faces staring at him from the bed.

"Penny!?" he said in shock.

She gave a low growl.

Leonard found his voice and turned savagely on his roommate, practically screaming. "You're sleeping with Penny!? You know I saw her first! I called dibs! You can't go around sleeping with girl I love! Bro's before ho's! And you're related to her, for crying out loud! You said her last name was Cooper!"

Breathing heavily, he glared at his neurotic roommate with a look he hoped could kill. During his roommate's tirade, Sheldon had gone from angry to annoyed to bored; Penny was still matching Leonard's glare perfectly.

Sheldon impassively looked back at his short roommate, and calmly said, "There's one slight problem with your claim on Penny. Well, besides the fact you can't 'claim' a girl in the first place. But I digress. You did not in fact see her first, like you claim. Penny is my wife. She has been since before I met you."

Leonard froze in shock.

After a few moments, Penny got up and walked over to the door. Pushing his head gently back into the hallway, she closed the door and locked it. Returning to the bed, she said with a sigh, "This'll go over well in the morning."

"Well, now at least you don't have to leave every morning before he wakes up."

* * *

 **A/N: If you're anti-2nd Amendment, skip Chapters 2 & 3\. Chapter 4 only briefly mentions guns at the beginning since Penny and Sheldon are spies.**


	2. Gun Ranges

**A/N: Pro-2nd Amendment. If you don't like, skip to the fourth chapter (since the third one is Pro-2nd Amendment as well; the 4th chapter's spies, with just one scene with guns)**

* * *

It was Penny's birthday, and she wanted to do something fun with the guys. They loved Halo, CoD, other first person shooting games and paintball, and she was Nebraskan, so she decided to take them to the local shooting range. It'd been a while since she had shot, and she figured with as much as her boys shot in video games, they'd enjoy the real thing as well.

So Saturday afternoon they all piled into Penny's car. She hadn't told any of them where they were going, she wanted it to be a surprise. She had briefly noticed that Sheldon's messenger bag seemed a little more full than normal, but she didn't pay any attention to it; it was Whack-a-doodle, who knows what he had in there.

When she pulled up outside the gun range, the complaining started immediately. After a minute of whining and complaining and refusing to get out of the car, she finally turned around to the three in the backseat and told them in no uncertain terms that it was her birthday, they were going in there as a group, and they should consider it zombie apocalypse training. At this last bit, they finally relented, and grudgingly got out of the car.

The one that surprised Penny the most, however, was Sheldon. He hadn't said a word against it the entire time, and actually seemed interested in going in. Then she remembered he was Texan after all, and even though he'd gone to college when he was still a kid, he'd probably shot a gun before ever leaving for college.

When they got inside, Leonard absolutely refused to rent a gun, and said he was just going to watch. Howard and Raj rented the beginner handguns that the clerk recommend. Penny had brought her own, but bought ammo there. Sheldon just wandered around, looking at the guns on display, talking with one of the sales reps.

Once Penny had payed, she waved all the guys into the range. The clerk went with Howard and Raj to teach them how to shoot, while Sheldon went to one of the far lanes. Penny followed Sheldon, and Leonard awkwardly stood by the door, really wishing he wasn't there, and grumbling about Penny going over to where Sheldon was to shoot.

As Penny walked up to where Sheldon was getting settled in his lane, she saw him pull out his concealed Berreta, and then get a couple boxes of ammo out of his messenger bag. _So that's why his bag looked bulkier_ , she thought to herself. _And never doubt a Texan to concealed carry, even if he is a genius Whack-a-doodle._

She set up in the lane next to him, and started loading her own gun. As she sent her target back, she heard him start firing. Seventeen quick shots later, she saw him bring his target back to him, a tight cluster of holes around the center; not all in the center, but better than she could usually do after several rounds of practice.

After unloading her mag into her target, at a substantially slower pace than he had, and with less accuracy (though still not bad if she said so herself; it had been too long since she'd last shot, after all), she brought the target back, and went over to Sheldon's lane to compare.

"Apparently somebody knows how to shoot," she said, chuckling.

"Penny, I am a theoretical physicist, and a Texan. Of course I know how to shoot. You're not terrible yourself."

"Thank you, sweetie. I'll get better with a few more rounds, it's been too long since I last shot."

"You should come me sometime. I try to come at least every couple weeks, usually Saturday afternoon after paintball, or Sunday sometime. Whenever Leonard's not around to bug me; he's anti-gun, in case you haven't noticed."

"Yeah, I'd like that," replied Penny with a smile.

They spent the rest of the afternoon shooting, and comparing targets, and generally enjoying themselves. Sheldon gave Penny a few tips here and there, and by the end she'd been able to match Sheldon's original round most of the time. Sheldon had three consecutive rounds all in the black by the time they tucked their guns away, and wandered back over to the other three.

Howard and Raj had finally managed to start putting a few shots in the target, and seemed to be enjoying themselves at least somewhat. Leonard was over in the corner, still sulking and grumbling about guns not being safe and Penny spending too much time with Sheldon.

* * *

The following Friday, Penny stopped Sheldon on his way up to 4A, and asked if he wanted to go shooting Saturday afternoon after paintball. Sheldon quickly agreed. So Saturday afternoon, right after lunch, Sheldon shouldered his messenger bag and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" asked Leonard from the couch, where he was playing CoD.

"Penny and I are going to the range," replied Sheldon.

"Again!? We were just there for her birthday last week. Why are you going again? And why do have a gun, anyway?"

"Penny and I both enjoy shooting, so we are going again because we want to. Also, as you should be aware, practice makes perfect. How can we expect to be able to defend ourselves if we never practice? And lastly, I have a gun because it's my right to," Sheldon replied, hand on the doorknob.

"Why would you need to be able to defend yourself? That's what police are for," whined Leonard.

"And a lot of good a police will do when they're several minutes away, and you have seconds between life or death. Now if you will excuse me, I don't want to keep Penny waiting."

* * *

Over the next several months, Penny and Sheldon made it a weekly routine to go to the range. They had invited Howard and Raj a few times, but only Howard ever took them up on the offer, and then only once, mostly just to hit on Penny.

Every time they went out, Leonard grumbled and complained about guns not being safe, or there being no need for them to know how to shoot, or how he didn't think Sheldon or Penny should even own a gun in the first place. As soon as Sheldon got back and Penny wasn't around anymore, he would launch into how Sheldon was stealing time he could be spending with Penny, and how Sheldon should know better than to hijack Penny's time, he'd seen her first, it was against the bro code.

Sheldon just ignored his whiny roommate. He enjoyed his weekly range time with Penny, and had no intentions of stopping, regardless of Leonard's ridiculous beliefs.

He also decided not to enlighten his roommate to the fact that Penny had been the one to invite him the first time, not vice versa. Likewise, Penny conveniently forgot to ever mention to Leonard that she liked getting away with Sheldon; it gave Leonard fewer opportunities to try to guilt her into his bed.

* * *

After a couple months, Penny decided to change things up. While she'd improved drastically over their couple months of weekly shooting (largely due to Sheldon's help, even though she'd never admit it to him), she still couldn't come close to the speed and accuracy he had (with both hands, nonetheless). So she decided to try to balance the score a little bit.

While she'd told the guys about being in junior rodeo when she was growing up, she hadn't told them that she'd also been into rifle target shooting, as well. So as they were driving back from the range one Sunday afternoon, she asked Sheldon if he wanted to go to an outdoor range to rifle shoot the next weekend. Sheldon agreed, on the condition he got to choose the range.

The one he choose was a decent drive away, so they decided to skip paintball (Penny had started joining the guys about a month earlier) and leave in the morning to make a day of it. When Penny opened her door on Saturday morning following Sheldon's triple knock, she wasn't particularly surprised to see him carrying a rifle case; he'd brought four different 9mm (two Berretas, a Sig and a Glock) and one .45 so far to the indoor range, of course he owned a rifle as well. Penny had a couple in Nebraska, but hadn't brought any of them with her to California. Stupid liberal gun laws. And since getting her concealed carry permit, she hadn't made it back to Nebraska to get her rifles.

When they got to the range, Sheldon insisted Penny go first. Once she returned from pinning up her target, she loaded the rifle she was renting. Soon enough she had 10 shots fired. Not quite as accurate as she had been eight years ago, but good enough to beat Sheldon's first attempt she figured.

Penny and Sheldon walked out to the target, and when Penny took her target down, he pinned his up. They walked back, and Sheldon unpacked his gun and assembled it.

 _He certainly goes all-in when he does anything_ , Penny thought to herself when she saw his rifle.

Sheldon laid out three bullets, and lay down. Adjusting his rifle, he peered through the scope at the target. He chambered a bullet, and lined up his sight. The report cracked through the silent air.

"One miss," said Penny, giggling. Sheldon ignored her.

He released the casing and chambered his second bullet without ever moving anything but his arm. Even if he'd missed, Penny was impressed by his handling of a gun. It looked like a scene out Jack Reacher, one of her favorite movies. Tom Cruise, guns, and cars; what could be better.

The sound of the second bullet being fired rang out, pulling Penny out of her thoughts.

She couldn't tell where the bullet had gone, but it hadn't hit the target. Looked like she was actually going to be able to beat the super-genius at something.

He loaded the third bullet the same as the second, and fired again.

Penny had really expected him to hit the target by now, and was more than slightly disappointed that he hadn't. It wasn't much fun to completely trounce some, even Sheldon; she wanted the competition, a challenge. She was surprised when he stood up and hit the alarm to go retrieve his target instead of getting more bullets. Even she could see that he hadn't hit the target. She was even more surprised a minute later when he walked right past the target; where on earth was he going?

Sheldon walked all the way to the end of the range, paused for a few seconds, and then turned around and started walking back. By the time he reached the targets, Penny could see that he was carrying something, and once he got a little closer she could tell it was definitely a paper target. But where had he got it, since she could still clearly see the one he'd put up to replace her's?

When he got all the way back, and flipped the alarm back off, he motioned to Penny to look through his scope. She lay down and looked through it, before looking around the side, and then back through the scope.

"You evil scoundrel," she said shaking her head and chuckling lightly as she got up and leaned back on her knees. "You were firing at that nearly invisible target at the end of the range, weren't you?"

Sheldon gave her one of his rare genuine smiles, before unfurling his target next to her's. They both looked at them.

"Three times as far, and you manage to put three out of three in the in the center, and I only got four out of ten."

"You didn't really think you could beat me, now did you?" Sheldon asked with a smirk. Penny just shook her head.

"Your turn," he said, grabbing a few more shells out of his case, along with another scope to watch through himself.

"You're going to let me shoot your gun?" Penny asked in surprise.

"You're certainly not going to hit it with that rifle," he replied, pointing at the one she had rented.

Once she lay back down, he adjusted her positioning. It surprised her how handsy he was getting her into the right position, considering how little he liked to be touched normally. Although now that she thought back on it, he had been more open to her touch since the whimsical duck incident a month or so before her birthday.

He finally got her completely in position, and she found she was a little disappointed when his hands left her. Mentally shaking her head, she concentrated on the target. The entire target looked tiny in the scope, and she wondered how he'd managed to even hit the target all three times, let alone put it in the center.

Several shots, tips, and adjustments later, she had finally just barely managed to nick the edge of the target on her last shot.

Sitting back up, she said, "Okay, you definitely win this one as well."

They spent the rest of the morning into the early afternoon shooting. Sheldon mostly tried to teach Penny, but by the time he disassembled his rifle, he'd put a total of twelve (out of twelve, of course) in the center; Penny had managed to hit the target three times.

As they drove away from the range in search of lunch on their way back to the apartment, Penny asked, "So how did you get so good? Handguns I can understand, since you've been shooting every couple weekends for a long time, but that was like sniper level shooting back there."

"That is because it was. None of the guys know it, since you know how much they approve of guns, but I was an Air Force sniper for four years before I moved here and started working for Cal-Tech."

* * *

 **A/N: I based Sheldon's rifle shooting scene off the one in the first Jack Reacher movie, if anyone's seen that. And yes, the Air Force really does have snipers.**

 **A/N 2: If you want more pro-2nd Amendment Shenny, I highly suggest "Politics" by Halfred Askold.**


	3. Concealed Carry

**A/N: Pro-2nd Amendment**

 **A/N 2: Amy moved into the guys' life at the same Penny moved across the hall. No, I don't know where Howard and Raj are, other than _not_ with them. I don't know the current California concealed carry laws, so just pretend Pasadena somehow earned their way into New California.**

* * *

Sheldon, Penny, Leonard and Amy strolled down the street towards the little Italian restaurant they were headed towards. It was Anything-Can-Happen Thursday, and against Sheldon's prolific complaining, they had decided to try out a new restaurant. Penny had researched it earlier in the day to make sure it had a good inspection rating (and proper forks, not miniature tridents) before she suggested it, so after her reassurance, Sheldon had finally grudgingly agreed to accompany them. Also, Penny had made it absolutely clear that he either accompany them under his own free will, or she would literally drag him down there with them.

As they walked down the sidewalk, Amy had practically shoved Penny out of the way in order to walk next to Sheldon, and Leonard had taken the opportunity to sidle up next to Penny. As such, the conversation was fairly limited, with Amy and Leonard trying to engage Sheldon and Penny respectively in conversation, and Penny and Sheldon giving curt responses that portrayed their irritation at the walking arrangements.

They were only a couple blocks from the restaurant when two ruffians dressed in all black and holding knives jumped out of the shadows of an alley and demanded their wallets, pocketbooks, and watches. Before Leonard and Amy had a chance to begin handing their things over, Sheldon and Penny had pulled out their Berretas, and had them trained on the two assailants. As soon as the muggers saw the guns being pointed at them, and two of their would-be victims pointing those guns at them with an air of confidence, they turned and ran. Sheldon and Penny silently slipped their weapons back under their shirts, out of sight.

Leonard and Amy stood there staring at Penny and Sheldon in shock for a couple of seconds, as Sheldon and Penny began moving towards the restaurant again. When Leonard and Amy realized they were being left behind, they hurried to catch up. As soon as they caught up, Leonard harshly whispered, "You guys can't carry guns, that's illegal!"

"That's what a concealed carry permit is for, Leonard," Penny responded boredly, not bothering to turn around and look at Leonard.

"Well, I won't stand for it! Guns are dangerous, and neither of you are allowed to carry them any longer! I'm sure Amy will agree with me," said Leonard, turning to look at Amy.

"Of course, Leonard. I agree fully. You two can't carry guns any longer," agreed Amy, with a sharp nod of her head.

"Yeah, well, too bad the Constitution doesn't agree with you," replied Penny sassily.

"I'm going to call the police on you two!" Leonard threatened.

"And tell them what, exactly?" Sheldon asked, rolling his eyes and glancing over at Penny with a knowing look. "That your roommate and next door neighbor have concealed carry permits, and you don't like it?"

Penny smirked back at Sheldon.

By this point, they had reached the restaurant. Amy reached out and grabbed Sheldon's arm, causing all four of them to stop. As Sheldon shook off Amy's hand, Amy said, "If you don't promise to never carry a gun with you again, I'm breaking up with you!"

"We aren't dating," stated Sheldon, cocking an eyebrow at her.

"What do you mean we aren't dating!?" Amy practically shouted.

"I think it's pretty obvious what he means. Even _I_ know what he means," replied Penny in a cool tone, stepping up beside Sheldon and staring down Amy.

"Are you breaking up with me!?" Amy asked Sheldon in disbelief.

At the same time, Leonard snarled at Penny, "Don't you get all sassy!" and stepped up beside Amy.

"Hard to break up with someone you were never dating in the first place," replied Sheldon calmly to Amy.

Pointing a finger at Penny, Leonard continued, "And I don't want you carrying a gun, either, Penny. It's dangerous, and it isn't lady-like."

"Well too frickin' bad," Penny sassed back, sticking her hip out and placing her hands on her hips.

"As my girlfriend, you should respect my wishes," snapped Leonard, crossing his arms over his chest, and trying to look formidable.

"And _that_ is why we will never, ever date," growled Penny, stepping forward and looking down at Leonard, utilizing the height advantage of her high heels. "Because you think a girl is just a sex toy that should have to obey you, regardless of their own opinion."

Leonard sputtered, and Amy looked at her in shock.

Turning to Sheldon, Penny said, "Sheldon, I don't think I'm particularly hungry anymore. Would you like to accompany me back to my apartment? I just bought Sindarian Boggle, but haven't had a chance to play it yet."

"Oh, we'll come too," said Leonard immediately. "Although I'm sure I could find something you would enjoy more than Sindarian Boggle."

"Did I invite you two?" asked Penny with ice in her voice, snapping her head back towards Leonard. As Leonard stuttered for a few seconds, she added, "I didn't think so," and turned on her heels and began walking back towards their apartment building, with Sheldon quickly following her. When he caught up to her, she linked her arm through his, and they strolled back towards the apartment, leaving Leonard and Amy frozen on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant.


	4. The Spy Next Door

Sheldon and Leonard walked up the stairs of their apartment building discussing the implications of stairs with slightly uneven heights and depths. As they got to their door, Sheldon pulled out his keys and started to unlock the door to their apartment. Leonard glanced across the hall, and noticed a beautiful blonde standing in the middle of 4B, unpacking.

"Hey, Sheldon," he said, nudging his taller roommate, "looks like we got a new neighbor."

Sheldon and the blonde looked up at the same time. Quicker than Leonard could see or process, the blonde had pulled a gun and had it aimed straight at them. Leonard shrieked and hit the floor, his hands covering his head, generally assuming a fetal position. Unbeknownst to him, at the same time the blonde had pulled her gun, Sheldon had pulled his as well, and had it trained on the blonde. Glaring straight at each other for a second, they both broke the stare at the same time, and glanced down at the man cowering on the floor. Looking back up at each other, they silently put their weapons away. Penny reassumed the cheerful disposition she'd had, and Sheldon started staring awkwardly at the ground.

When Leonard didn't hear anything for a couple of seconds after hitting the floor, he cautiously glanced back up. He saw their new neighbor bouncing over towards the open door of her apartment, looking as chipper and excited as could be, with a bright smile on her face. Leonard slowly stood up, glancing back at his roommate, who was looking down at the floor shyly.

As the blonde stopped in her doorway, she said, "So, it looks like I'm your new neighbor. My name's Penny."

"Hi, I'm Leonard and this is Sheldon. We live across the hall," Leonard replied, shaking Penny's offered hand. "In very heterosexual bedrooms," he added quickly.

"Well, nice to meet you. I'm sure I'll be seeing you guys around, but I've got to get back to unpacking," Penny said, before turning and closing the door.

As Leonard followed Sheldon into 4A, he said, "She totally liked me, I could tell. I've got a really good chance there."

"Do you think it was the shriek than won her over, or hitting the floor like a rag doll?" asked Sheldon sarcastically as he sat down in his spot on the couch and flipped on the tv.

"Very funny," scowled Leonard, as he sat down in the armchair. After a second he asked, "Did you see anything weird happen when she first saw us? Because I could have sworn I saw something."

"The only thing I saw was an annoyingly friendly female who's apartment looked like a complete mess," replied Sheldon, still focused on the tv.

Leonard shook his head, and said, "I must have imagined it. But on the brighter side, I'm totally going to be hitting that soon. You just wait and see."

"And what makes you think Penny has any interest in having coitus with you?" asked Sheldon, finally looking over at his slut of a roommate.

"Are you kidding? Blondes like that will sleep with anyone," replied Leonard.

Sheldon just shook his head before returning his attention to the tv.

* * *

Later that night, after Leonard had gone to bed, Sheldon crept out of the apartment and headed across the hall to 4B. Knocking his routine triple knock, the door quickly opened and Penny waved him in, closing the door behind him once he stepped in. "Hi Sheldor."

"Queen P," Sheldon replied stiffly.

"Want some tea?" Penny asked as she wandered back into the kitchen.

"If you don't mind."

As Penny put on a kettle for the water, Sheldon walked over to the couch and sat down, and said, "I hope I didn't wake you. I had to wait until my roommate was asleep before I could sneak over here."

"No, you're good. I had changed, but hadn't actually got in bed yet when you knocked. I figured you'd be over sometime."

Penny poured their tea and set the two cups on the coffee table before sitting down on the couch next to Sheldon. After a few minutes of silence and drinking their teas, Sheldon finally broke the silence.

"So how does the top assassin for the bad guys wind up across the hall from the top assassin for the good guys?"

"Oh please, like your organization is so much better than mine. We both kill people for a living, for crying out loud," Penny replied.

"Yes, but my organization has a cute platypus for its symbol, whilst yours has 'Evil Incorporated' in the very name."

"True, but is has a very catchy jingle to it, whereas your symbol can't even speak, it just chatters its teeth."

Rolling his eyes, Sheldon said, "But on to more important matters, what are we going to do about this? Leonard thinks he just imagined what happened when we met, but we clearly can't go around trying to kill each other, or somebody is bound to notice."

"Well, I've been thinking long and hard about that since we saw each other this afternoon, and I think I've come up with a fabulous plan," replied Penny with mock seriousness. "What I would suggest, is that you ask me out to dinner, so that way we have a completely socially acceptable reason to keep a close eye on each other."

Sheldon looked at her for a few seconds. "So your suggestion is that I ask you out on a date."

"Well...it'd kind of have to be dates, plural, for it to really work," Penny replied, giving him puppy-dog eyes and a slight pout.

Rolling his eyes, Sheldon replied, "Is this still about keeping an eye on each other? Because this doesn't seem to be about keeping an eye on each other anymore."

"Please," she begged, giving him the best pouty face she could. "It'll keep the grad students off you, your roommate off me, and us from killing each other; professionally at least."

Sheldon glared at her for a few seconds, before finally giving in and saying, "Fine, fine. We can go out on a date. But keep your grabby Nebraskan man to yourself and off of me. I am not your boy toy."

* * *

The following evening, Sheldon walked out of his room in jeans and an untucked dress shirt. When Leonard saw him, he asked, "Have you seen Penny at all today? I was thinking about going over there and seeing if she wanted to join us for Chinese and a classic movie tomorrow night. And what are you doing dressed up?"

"I have not seen Penny today," replied Sheldon. "And tomorrow is Halo night, not classic movie night."

"Yeah, but Penny wouldn't like Halo, and I think we should try and be neighborly and include her some," said Leonard in his whiny voice. "Anyway, why are you dressed up? You never dress up."

"I am dressed up because Penny insisted I wear something other than my usual double shirt and chinos on our date tonight."

For a brief second Leonard was shocked speechless, before exploding, "Your WHAT!? You can't go on a date with Penny! I told you yesterday she was mine! You can't go out with the girl your best friend is in love with, I've told you that before."

"First off, given the fact I have eidetic memory, I can guarantee you have not ever told me that before. Probably because I have never shown interest in a girl you were trying to have coitus with. Secondly, yesterday you just said you wanted to have coitus with her. Third, she was the one who brought up the idea of going out on a date. I simply accepted."

Before Leonard could retort, there was a brief knock at the door, and then the door opened and Penny danced in.

"Hi Sheldon, ready to go?" she asked, twirling around to show off her fun but flirty dress. It was a light summer blue, and came down to just above her knees; tight at the top, with enough cleavage to be noticed but not indecent, and loose and unconstricted at the bottom.

"You look lovely this evening," said Sheldon, as he offered her his hand. She took it, and they strolled out the door, leaving a stunned Leonard in their wake.

* * *

As they walked down the stairs, Penny said, "Your roommate looked pissed when I walked in. And I thought I heard some yelling when I was still in my apartment."

"Yes, he was yelling. My roommate holds the absurd belief that since he physically saw you first on the day you moved in and because him and I are friends and roommates and he wants to have coitus with you, that he is somehow entitled to get you, and that it is inappropriate for us to go out on a date."

"You know, I might be acquainted with someone who could make sure he wouldn't be an annoyance any more," Penny replied in a flirty tone, batting her eyelashes up at him.

Sheldon responded sternly, "No. You may not kill my roommate."

"Spoil sport," Penny pouted.

* * *

When they returned from their date, Penny pulled Sheldon into her apartment with the excuse that he didn't want to go back in there until he was sure Leonard was asleep and couldn't bother him. So he followed her into her apartment without much complaint. Penny threw on the latest Jason Bourne movie, while Sheldon made tea, and they settled in to watch the movie. By the time it was over, it had gotten late.

As Sheldon tried to shift Penny away from him where she lay curled up into him, so that he could stand up to leave, she grabbed his arm. "Stay here, please" she pleaded. "Leonard could still be up, waiting to ambush you when you get back."

"Penny, I told you I wasn't going to be your toy," Sheldon said, turning to face her, before adding under his breath, "Not again, anyway."

"Ok, look, I apologized for trying to kill you last time we slept together," replied Penny, slightly irritated. "But anyway, I wasn't suggesting that we _sleep_ sleep together, just that you spend the night. Being the world's greatest assassin can get kinda lonely," she finished sultrily.

"Second best. And fine, I'll stay. But you are not allowed to sleep naked."

"Fine," Penny huffed, before standing up and making her way to the bedroom, pulling him with her. "If it makes you feel any better, I still have your pajamas from the last time we slept together, if you want to sleep in those. There's a few knife holes, but nothing major."

* * *

Sheldon had just crawled under the covers when they heard a knock at the door. Penny hurried over to the door, and opened it. Leonard stood there, looking slightly sheepish.

"Hi Penny, I hope I didn't wake you up. I was just wondering if you'd seen Sheldon, he never came back to the apartment after your date, and I was worried about him. You never know when he'll get lost," he added, shaking his head sorrowfully.

"Hmm, let's see, I think I did see him somewhere," Penny replied, pretending to mull over it for a second. "Oh yeah, that's right! I saw him in my bed," she replied chipperly, slamming the door in Leonard's face and locking the door with a loud click.


End file.
